Something got lost, but it wasn’t the sex

In the 1973 original “Devil in Miss Jones,” a lonely spinster slits her wrists in the bathtub and lands herself in limbo. Since heaven is out of the question (suicide and all) she is allowed to earn her place in hell by spending a time overcome by lust.

In the latest DMJ remake, Miss Jones slits her wrists in the bathtub before the opening credits roll, and that’s where the similarity ends.

Belladonna plays Melinda Jones, a reporter with an interesting and fulfilling sex life, who is working on a story on the “Halloween Bandit.” After a voyeuristic romp with boyfriend Jason (Kurt Lockwood), she initiates the killing of the bandit (Steven St. Croix) who ends up being a mentally disturbed, but lovable, pearl wearing pervert.

During a run in with a street evangelist played by the ever-charming Evan Stone, Miss Jones learns that her heroism has attracted the attention of the famous Pandora Phoenix. Melinda is flown with her boyfriend out to L.A. to meet Pandora, who is played by none other than Savanna Samson, the Miss Jones of 2005′s “The New Devil in Miss Jones” Once in L.A., everything goes screwy.

For starters, Melinda is sent to investigate a psychic Pandora claims is manipulating people with false voodoo. The psychic senses Melinda’s mistrust and provides vision of Jason is having a romp in the pool with Rebeca Linares and Carmella Bing. This scene is a huge disappointment after the spitting/dirty talking/anal cumshot eating love between Bella and Kurt, but in fairness, it serves its purpose. It’s a mistake of an affair, a fantasy with two girls with identical french manicures and annoying squeaky grunts who need to be told twice to stick a finger in your asshole.

Upon Melinda’s return to the house, she chats briefly with Pandora, then meets a mysterious Nick Manning in the bushes behind the pool. The kiss they share must stick with her, because when she begins making love to Jason, he keeps turning into Nick. It’s fun, creative, and exciting, until Nick calls out his catchphrase, “dropping loads!” Then it’s just porn.

Next, Pandora wants Melinda to discredit prostitute Violet Ray (Penny Flame) who is about to make public her illicit encounters with an evangelist named Billy Milford (Tom Byron.) The scene that follows is by far this movie’s best. Penny Flame is a woman after my own heart, with her amazingly accurate portrayal of a bored, drunk hooker. Tom is truly transformed into a hypocritical Southern evangelist. We toggle between Violet’s seduction of Melinda, an inspired, enthusiastic display of lust that climaxes with a beer bottle to the butthole–guess whose–and Billy Milford’s use of Violet and a likewise uninvolved prostitute played by Victoria Sin. After such utterances as “I am going to consecrate all of that is evil within you,” “I’m going to fill you with the light,” and “Keep sucking the staff of the Lord,” I will never take Tom Byron for granted again.

Post-coital and back at the bar, Melinda suggests to Violet that she move up from sucking off guys by the tracks to sucking them off ON the tracks, and the next morning, Pandora informs Melinda that Violet was killed by a train.

That’s when Pandora and friends Evan and Nick reveal themselves as Satan’s version of the holy trinity. Melinda’s fate of hell is punishment for her mistreatment of the misunderstood Halloween Bandit, the well-meaning psychic, and the entitled prostitute. Cut to… ORGY IN HELL! Bella is bound, and it’s great sex, but this dance party turned orgy is another example of this movie’s many disjointed scenes. As the other characters climax on Melinda, Nick shouts “Dropping loads!” I guess it does tie in after all.

Before the DVD is done, we get to see a scene we caught only snippets of before, the Halloween Bandit accosting willing partner Pandora in disguise. It’s a nice bonus, since we hadn’t heretofore seen much of Savanna or Steven in action.

While DMJ The Resurrection may be too dirty to appeal to traditional storyline viewers and too mild for hardcore Bella fanatics, it boasts great production, some surprisingly skilled acting, and a few of today’s porn elite. I can forgive its one weak scene, because it does fill a niche. There is, however, one disappointment I cannot overlook: Belladonna never does Evan Stone! I guess that’s left to my imagination… or the next DMJ?